You don’t know what it is to be a Mother till you are one. You can pretend to play mommy to your younger siblings,nephews and nieces, but the real experience comes from actually carrying the baby in you for 9 months (or so) and giving birth to it.
You never know what responsibility really is  unless you have a child of your own. You and only you is responsible for the baby, well and the father when he is around, but it’s mostly the mother (or so I feel, maybe my husband thinks differently).
You may have taken care of the baby for 3 hours at a stretch or even 3 days  and you think you can take a break and shift responsibility to a nanny, grand parent, uncle or aunt – you are mistaken!!
Even if you aren’t with your  baby, you are with your baby!!  You mind is constantly on the child even when he is away from you. You worry but you resist the urge to call the babysitter. Your better half or your friends constantly tell you not to worry. Phrases such as, “No news is good news” and “I’m sure everything is fine” are being thrown at you. For a brief moment there you may even believe it,  but then the motherly instinct kicks in and you’re back to worrying. But you don’t want others to know so you smile and pretend not to worry. It’s not that we don’t enjoy our time away we do but we also worry. Now we have become masters at multi taking. Every mother knows what I’m talking about.
Yesterday I met my friends for dinner and I  was focusing only on enjoying, as I had carried my son along. But I saw a mother-friend pull out her smart phone and glance at it several times and discuss the contents of the screen with my husband. So out of curiosity and concern I asked her if all was well (since she has left her little girl back home). She then showed me the video feed from the camera she has installed in her nursery. She could monitor her baby even when far away, but the mother in me instantly started thinking of everything that could go wrong with this helpful piece of technology such as, “What if the feed was stuck and the time stamp was moving”.
I stopped the urge to voice my anxiety (read paranoia) out loud because I knew as soon as I would my husband would go on a very unconvincing rant about how it wasn’t possible and so on. But the heart believes what it wants to.
We mothers are cut out to worry. Talk to a mother of any age, she is worried. I am convinced as the level of prolactin in our body rises in order to produce milk for our babies it also brings with it a tendency for normal and in some cases pathological anxiety. Eventually when we decide to stop feeding, and start the process of weaning off, the body takes a week or so to get the message and beings to secrete Prolactin Inhibiting Factor (PIF) to stop milk production. But our minds never seem to get the signal to stop worrying. Maybe be we aren’t sending the right ones anyway!!

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