As I celebrate my 1st birthday as a Mother, I realise birthdays don’t mean too much to me anymore. As a child I was always a little too enthusiastic about my birthday and this trend carried on well into my teens – always wanting a surprise, gifts and that little extra attention.

Of course birthdays started to matter less as I grew older. The entire day did not have to be special, just a fun night out with friends or family was good enough. But this year was completely different. Turning 28 is of course new not only because I’m older by age, but by heart and mind too, at least such is my opinion.

Waking up at 6, changing that dirty diaper and feeding my son his stewed apple was of utmost importance even today!!  Not what was for birthday breakfast or what the dinner plan was. And I realise I am at peace feeling this way. I do not resent (for the lack of another word) the fact that I am not excited about this day anymore. I feel grown up to be honest, calm and content.

Having said all of this, it wasn’t easy coming to this place. Motherhood is hard. The changes that it brings to your life are well Big!! It comes with so many challenges and my son is all of 6 months old. There are so many more in store. But the problem wasn’t with being a mother I realised. The problem was with the change in lifestyle.
There was always this unrest in my heart. Something troubling me, something stopping me from being completely happy. Now I have come to realise it was my inability to integrate  this ‘tiny’ addition with the rest of my life.Tiny as he may be, I found my changed lifestyle to be the cause of this unrest. I wasn’t able to integrate ‘being a mother’ into my life. I felt my roles as a friend, a daughter, a wife were being neglected to some extent. I wasn’t able to be Me.  I was being only a mother.

But now I have come around to realise I can be a mother and be all those other things I wish to be.  It’s not as hard as I thought or made it out to be because I realised all I need is time. And it is me who will create divide and decide time and roles.

So I thought I’d do something for myself since its been a while. Wallowing in self-pity,that my life has changed, is not the way to go. Publishing this blog is a little gift for me. A feeling of achievement, that little joy of accomplishment!! A reconnection with the myself. The journey to being a mom-me.

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